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Bad Publicity and Fictional Literalism......

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The "average" is an illusion of statistics, the "normal" does not exist in reality, and straight lines are unnatural. And still in this world we call ourselves "different" from the rest, who do not know how abnormal their normalcy truly is.


Anderen Vereinigte was founded in June 2006 to be a nexus with active purpose for all self-aware and intelligent "others", for us to gather constructively in order to play our part in the world and its affairs. This FAQ/discussion site should answer some of your initial questions as to what we're about and how it fits together.


Bad Publicity and Fictional Literalism......

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Warning Note: If you are Otakukin/Fictionkin and are very attached to your present interpretation of what that means, you may find this article offensive. But it might be helpful all the same. Unlike many writers who address 'otherkinism', I don't think it's all internal metaphor or wishful thinking. But I do think people take things a wee bit literally sometimes.....case in point below: 


News “Good morning, Seattle. It’s time to wake up.”

Posted by Jonah Spangenthal-Lee on April 13 at 16:12 PM

In the early morning hours of April 6th, Seattle Center security witnessed two individuals carry a “device” onto the campus, leaving it attached to a metal pole with a note.

Seattle Center, who cancelled its New Years Eve celebration in 1999 due to terrorism fears after Ahmed Ressam was caught with explosives while crossing into the US from Canada, called in Seattle’s Bomb Squad to deal with what the police report describes as “a collective of plastic, wires, paper, cardboard and metal tubing.” When police arrived at Seattle Center, they discovered the ‘item…buzzing and blinking [and] the surrounding area was secured with police tape,” while the bomb squad “took control of the scene.”


A one-page manifesto attached to the device read

Good morning, Seattle. It’s time to wake up. I watch you all. Every day. Watch you try and make sense of your wars, of your hatred…because [you don’t] fit with what the rest of the world expects them to be.

The manifesto continues, addressing what its writer believes to be the root of society’s ills: fear.

Fear, a great pulsing, beating heart that drives the human race’s blindness. A great pulsing, beating heart that – instead of the spark that’s inside all of you, instead of your common humanity and in that, DIVinity – connects each and every one of you. An organ of control that drives everything you do. This beating heart…right here. Take a look. A good look.


The bomb squad assessed that the device was “non harmful” and removed it for disposal.

You’d think the bomb squad showing up to the Seattle Center in the middle of the night would be big news, but none of the city’s papers have reported on the incident.

The Stranger contacted the device’s creators, who turned out to be a Bremerton couple who go by the names “Neo” and “Trinity.”

I met with the couple at a Capitol Hill coffee shop and asked about their connection to the Matrix film series. Neo and Trinity told me that they enjoyed the action in the Matrix films, “but they didn’t really accurately portray our lives”…and they were totally serious.

Sitting in the coffee shop, Neo—short and round faced, dressed in a torn black trenchcoat, hair dyed blue and eyes hidden behind mirrored sunglasses—said, “People are making the same mistake they did in Zion,” referencing his alleged past-life in The Matrix.

Neo believes “quantum reincarnation” has brought him to our world to open humanity’s eyes and save us from ourselves.

When asked about detractors on his website (currently down terrible) that have accused him of being an extremely dedicated role-player or a loon, Neo responds, “Technically you’re only crazy if you can’t function. I’d like to be able to roll a D-12 and forget the memory of being raped on the deck of The Logos,” referencing elements of The Matrix series Neo says were not accurately represented. Additionally, Neo and Trinity claim to run an international grassroots organization, with over 1200 members dedicated to their cause.

Neo’s device, which he claims to have seen in a vision, says his piece represents “the human race being connected and driven by the heart of fear.”

Stranger art critic Jen Graves stared at the photos of Neo’s device for a solid five minutes before declaring “It’s just terrible. There’s a million reasons why.”

I called Seattle Center to find out their take on the incident.
A public relations representative called it “a non-event.”

I have some great pictures of “Neo” and “Trinity” that I took yesterday but I left my camera at home. I’ll update later today.

Permalink - http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/04/good_morning_seattle_its_time_to_wake_up


Okay, this is not a good example of self-outing (which often isn't a good idea anyhow, even if it doesn't involve suspicious-looking and mediocre conceptual art).....and it brings me to the central problem that I have with taking Otakukin seriously 'at face value', even when I have every reason to respect them otherwise. Namely, it just doesn't make sense.

Let's get this straight -- I'm definitely otherkin myself.  Angelic, sidhe, wood-elf, therian, and a goodly lot of soi-disant 'human' lives too, so it stands to reason that I believe in reincarnation, souls, etc., and that history sometimes does get the real story scrambled/fouled-up considerably in the telling.  But "reason" is a key element in this, and one that I think a good many people have forgotten how to apply, whether it comes to testing their own perceptions, researching their supposed existences, or communicating themselves to others.  In an earth-based and historically-documented paradigm, there are ways of checking things as being arguably "true" -- in the realms of games and films and anime (to take the most extreme opposite), there's no standard of credibility to prove or disprove one's claims.  Soulbonding runs rampant.  Everyone has to 'be somebody'....but are they really?

The thing that so many people just don't get is....it's fiction.  And if it's fiction, that means that you can hardly be the only person who identifies with it.  You think you're that special that you're the one-and-only original Neo? Fat chance -- post-modern Messianic-figures are a dime a dozen in the subjective identity department.  Doesn't mean you're 'not Neo'...but how exactly do we understand this matter of identity? -- is it really that discrete and possessive, and can it ever be, when one's dealing with fictional (or fictionalized) characters?

Look at the Internet (okay, like you haven't been soaking in it lately...) -- look at all the fan fiction and art and RPGs out there, all these multifoliate quantum branchings-off from something that was once, for good or ill, a single 'proprietary' idea. Now there are facets -- now there are reflections and iterations and elaborations, to the point that (let's face it) it barely matters what an "original" character was to begin with, because every character becomes infinitely multiplied by the number of consciousnesses that reflect themselves through it.  Some do this better than others, deeper than others...and more tangibly and urgently than others.

"Identifying with it" is not bad....that's often very useful in self-understanding, as long as you're aware of it.  "Identifying" with it and claiming it as being just yours and no-one else's, is not good -- because, again, it's fiction.  At best, logically, what you might have is a life that was similar to that, that fits the pattern enough to ring a bell.  But, chances are that it's not the exact same thing, because there's this little thing called imagination that occasionally functions (even in mundane humans, omg!) to create personae and stories that haven't existed before in that verbatim condition.

And "verbatim" is practically a thing of the past anyhow when it comes to fiction -- because we the erstwhile readers-and-watchers have discovered, with more or less psychological acumen, that it is we who complete the characters we perceive there, fleshing them out by our own minds and sensations and visions.  We "know" what they should be like, look like, act like, we feel through them, we act like them and know it even when no one else can tell. Some of us call it soulbonding, some call it self-faceting (my term when I first decided it needed talking about as a general phenomenon), and some call it -- and themselves -- fictionkin/otakukin.

I don't like being in the position of "attacking" people's personal histories-and-beliefs -- generally, it only really has a reason to bother me when their claims impinge on my own history and already-well-considered understanding of things.  (Hands off my reality, ya know...ain't that the mantra these days?)  But really, I pity their mindset, when it comes to the point when they feel literally bound by their character's literal limitations, or literal plot arc and disasters and death -- is it real or is it Memorex?--are you more real than Neo, or must you simply protest that "they got the story wrong" in order to retain some degree of semi-autonomy over yourself, clinging to the distinctive name and image as a self-definition while denying your dependence upon it?  Or, are you going to both assert and undermine yourself at the same time, using the vocabulary of a fiction/fandom even though it belies the possibility of your "real" reality underneath?

If there is something there, chances are it's not in a quantum mirror-dimension or some mystical plane of anime that inspires all mundane creation.  Chances are that you might have to look at your own reasons for why you feel you are what/who you are, and stop leaning on other people's fantasies and creations to build yourself up.  I'm not saying that otakukin don't have a real basis to their identities, or even that they aren't really "other" whatever their species (it helps to have a wider fundamental definition of "other" to work with, there).  The central question is, are their identities free or confined, real or make-believe?  And does it have to be all or nothing, this matter of whether there's 'something there'?

My suspicion is that these felt identities are often very real ones (I won't say always, as some people are merely wishful and latch onto what they like externally), but recognised through the catalyst guise of fiction -- in whatever degree of intensity they occur, whether it's a present aspect of selfhood or an entire past life that lies behind the mask -- and that one must sort carefully to separate the essence from (as it were) the matrix of the thing.  Take away the overexposed names and catchphrase terms, the studio-imprint and its legalities, the structure of the artifice that makes it a "popular" thing, and look at what's at the core of this persona, what's in its internal profile and experiences that just can't be separated out as 'someone else's work', no matter how scrupulously you try.  Because when it comes to fiction and the reflections it shows us, everyone's got their own originality -- they just have to have the -*cough*- depth of character to figure out what their character really is

[Note: If you think that this commentary doesn't make sense, or that it is offensive to your personal identity, please do let me know precisely why you believe in your particular fictionkin literality "as such."  I can't guarantee that I'll accept it as a valid reality, but I am interested in your reasoning all the same.]
  • As someone(themselves not a teenage fanit, blergh, the term 'fictionkin' is about the only thing that'll make me quit talking to someone permanently; why set labels on yourselves so goddamn much?) who saw something very similar to this put it, and e-mailed me: "People who identify with dragons, faerie, and anime!kin, people who blurb all over about freedom and reality, or whatever's trendy that day, laughing at us for being what" we are. Questioning our memories et al. Tell me about your life. Tell me about the time you cried all over Momma because your pet fish died writhing on the carpet. Now I'll tell you that "your memory is worthless... oh hell no, you can't remember that. I'm your God, you see, and I know what's in your heart. I define you. Just me."

    But then again, people who self-define as "self-aware and intelligent "others"", probably assume they've got a one-up on us mere mortals. Yes?

    Question for you: if anyone came here and "whined" about something that had hurt them - in whatever "life" you choose to believe in - something like the lines that "reporter"[who was apparently, only recently, an "unpaid intern"] chose to quote out of seven pages of notes... would it be "okay" to mock it? I'm stunned by the compassion of people who think it's okay to make life, work, Purpose, love, or rape a joke because "it's just the crazy guy. No harm done".

    If you wanna rant about me, you MIGHT want to TALK to me and get your facts straight, first. That's the generally accepted protocol, no? And yet how few people actually bother to think it might matter to someone. That it might actually matter to someone to have what they do believe, and what their entire waking-to-shopping-to-sleeping life is based around, held up as what's "right or "wrong".

    The old standby: prove to me God exists. Send me a team of scientists that can explain to me exactly why my doing what I do - a lot of which is based offline, thank you kindly - because it's what I have to do[maybe your calling is building fake tails for poor little crippled kitties], is something that anyone - ANYONE - get the the right to judge. Agree or disagree, sure. Disbelieve, absolutely. Mock the concept. But writing an entire essay on the fundamental logical flaw of my remembering my life and living it the way I need to? A little over-the-top.


    Thanks, though. I found this because someone obviously clicked through to the site from here. I love being the only person who isn't afraid to do whatever it is I'm doing-- and yet, you're somehow in a higher position that we are? Mmm.

    By the way, it isn't "conceptual art". I love how everyone's misperception of that makes me faintly nauseous. Years, and still no one can be bothered to ask me first.

    At least there were a few good things that came out of that mess. Although if you want to quote, I'd try the updated article; it still sucks, but it's less of what one commentator called "junior-high news reporting".

    I don't read fandom_wank, it makes me slightly vomitous also. But I can tell that if Trin were home, she'd forbid me to even post this, because regardless of how many thirty-year-old fanits laugh at me and order me to do so, I am incapable of "growing a thicker skin" at your command. Mock my fanfiction? My art? Something that I did, maybe, worked hard on, but that isn't me, my life and the very essence of what makes me me? Sorry. I do "go off and cry". Yep. I'm human.

    I won't respond to any comments. She's right; I'm dumb for even TRYING to make sense of this one-sided bullshit. My bad for checking the trackback links while she's not at home. But my e-mail's all over; talking to me outside of a public forum really isn't that hard.
  • Part I

    For a postmodern messianic archetype, you're certainly not coming across as very enlightened.

    Yes, "they" apparently got you wrong....at least in the first movie they did, as I frankly haven't bothered to see the others. They made you articulate and at least partially mature. You might deign to notice in the midst of your outrage that I myself haven't attacked the content of your memories -- but I do question the way that you have chosen to interpret and label them by appropriating another structure wholesale, not just the name or likeness but the entire concept as being 'you-directly and they copied it.' And somehow I doubt that you're the type who can peacefully co-exist with the inevitable someones out there who also claim that Neo is them, that literally. Are you also claiming all the "fanits" to rightfully belong to you too, or that they have no reason/right to exist and relate, as they do, to a character of fiction that came to life on a movie screen? So far as 99.99999% of the world knows, if they even pay attention to the franchise, the characters of Neo and Trinity were created by a couple of too-clever-by-half folklore-&-mythology-minded geeks known as the Wachowski Brothers, with deliberate parallels in mind to at least half a dozen other previous archetypes apiece. If it bothers you so much to have that blasphemous assumption surrounding this story, then why go public, why be public with your name if you know -- you must know -- that people are going to say you're delusional?

  • Part II (*types long replies*)

    I have a couple named identities in my history that are also intimately and prominently part of the world's history. I know that they are really me, I'm really the original of them, and I even have the remote possibility of being able to prove that to people who study such things, assuming they're not rabidly averse to past-life archaeological findings. But I'd still be an idiot to expect the whole world to take me seriously if I just out and announced it, and so I am not risking my entire credibility for the sake of publically re-attaching my name/s to myself here and now. How important is the "fact" of your identity being as you claim, when there's not the remotest chance of "proving" it as such? How important is it that people should know "who you are", before you've actually proven yourself as being worthy of the role?

    The fact is, I don't give a shit who you say you are if you flat-out don't suit the part through your words, actions, mannerisms, whatever it is that's supposed to convince people that you're the real deal and Keanu Reeves is just an actor. Either convince people by who you are or stop trying to convince them and getting pissed off when you fail. Because it seems as if all you're doing with this is getting yourself worked up into a decidedly immature perpetual temper tantrum.

    Stop picking on the fingers and try looking where they're pointing. If this situation makes you cry, then real life out in the cold cruel world is going to be even worse. No one has any obligation to respect your claims -- or mine -- without question. Deal with it. And if you can't explain/express "who you are" without both appropriating and loudly denigrating the entire framework that provided you with your spark of self-recognition, then I'm sure there are any number of those fanits who would love to see you legally banned from claiming the name and identity that you do. That's not my recommendation, but it is something to think about, considering how rabidly "intellectual property rights" are pursued when the "trademark" is in danger of "dilution." I don't particularly like that way of things myself, but it's the world that you're dealing with.

    I have written several other post-comments (in a friend's blog) that may come across as a bit less vehemently against claiming identity from media sources -- afterall, I've absorbed and manifested characters extremely tangibly since I was in my mid-teens. I don't restrict myself to them, though, much less claim that "I'm them, they're me" in a denotative sense. I see them as real characters inside of me, but I know that my own character is more complex. For me to say that I was a fictional character -- any character -- would be a narrowing of my range of selfhood. That's one of the reasons that I find it so bewildering that people resort to this prominent and exclusive a form of self-labeling to summarize their whole identities. As you said yourself, why set labels on yourselves so goddamn much?

    I hope that clarifies my stance adequately for your further ranting purposes, even though you're sworn yourself to maintaining the proverbial cold shoulder. Thank you for stopping by.
  • Oh, by the way....if there were an updated article on that site when I clicked back on it just now (or if I could hunt up a better news article at all, anywhere), then I'd post it in place of the other. Not that I think it'd change my own expressed views, but it would hopefully be a bit more of a fair overview from the media. I take sensationalism per se with a large grain of salt and just dig deeper, perhaps giving the impression that I don't give a damn. Truth is, I'm preoccupied with truth, not trappings. The article's just there for establishing context, not 'cause I think it's responsible journalism or think that anything of it is of importance besides the bare essentials of what you believe and profess. To embed is not necessarily to endorse.
    • I love it when Neo's perma-logged in.

      We are not 'limiting' ourselves by taking on these 'selfhoods'. We have no other selves to be. The material of a SLOG entry and the back and forth banter of an LJ comment do not have what is needed to prove messiah status to anyone. Do you honestly expect anyone to come off sounding like a Buddha when you attack them?

      In your rant, you basically said that Neo, in order to be who he is, has to conform to the role of Neo from the PC and any other traits that you think he MUST have, in order for his identity to be true. Neo nor I should have to validate our existences to you. Just because you saw some movie in which we were portrayed, does not mean that you would have a clue as to what we SHOULD be like. Sorry to disillusion you, buddy, but we are not Keanu and Carrie-Anne.

      If proof of who we are is so important to you, then prove that we are not who we are yourself. Prove that we do not remember and feel what we do. And in the end you would still be wrong, for your findings will not change the memories we share or the feelings we have. And YES, in your rant you were attacking our memories. A person is made up of their memories and their purposes.

      Neo has ended up being the scapegoat for all of this while we attempt to get the message out there. Delivering this message, and making sure that he teaches those around him to see for themselves, is what Neo does. Neo gets e-mails from people who have told us both that they were suicidal before they started talking to him. They say that they have come to help because of him, and for that, all of the shit that he has lobbed at him from places like this is worth it. You, who are so quick to judge weather or not he is WORTHY of his 'role', didn't even take into account what he has given up for this.

      People are always going to vary in their opinions regarding Neo. Some people believe that he is a nut bag for doing and believing what he does. Others have called him 'prophet' and 'messiah'. *smiles* I am one of them, and we are rapidly becoming the majority. And no one pushed any of us to believe what we believe. People have come to this themselves, after reading his writings, and hearing him speak. After getting to KNOW HIM. You see, we don't put great value in labels, but some of our people do, and they have given him their own, based on what they have taken from the message.

      But if you don't believe me, the person who DOES know him best, (and lives with him) talk to Zeal Freemind. She won't bullshit you. zeal.freemind@gmail.com

      That would be much better than just ranting about us in your LJ, and far more informative, as Neo told you earlier.

      I kept Neo away from this thread on purpose. People are calling this bullshit 'high school name calling' and we've grown a little tired of having to validate our existance to people after the thousandth time this week. If anyone had sat down and actually spoken to us instead of making assumptions, they might have learned something. But in their mass ignorance, you all have been made an object lesson out of.

      See, unlike role players or actors, we can't put this down if people use it to hurt us. We cannot give up our purpose and we cannot stop being who we are.

      The cast of 'The Matrix' got fat paychecks.
      We just got stuck with the nightmares.

      • Re: I love it when Neo's perma-logged in.

        That's perfectly right -- you shouldn't have to validate your existence to me. So why are you bothering to try so hard and so loudly?

        This was not a "rant". A rant is an outburst that is implicitly acknowledged to be a matter of personal sensitivity and to be at least potentially irrational or semi-rational in its tone. What you two have posted are rants, which I may well delete regardless of your "celebrity status" in the subculture.

        In my original post, I ended with the request that if you (the reader) are offended by what I write, please explain how your model of identity actually works, because I do like to understand people's reasoning. Also, because some people in this area have different ways of detailing how exactly they "are" themselves, in more or less literal/exclusive terms. You are under no obligation to reply to that at all (or to any post about you anywhere, for that matter) but if you reply angrily protesting my alleged insensitivity then you have obviously missed both my point and the opportunity to put things forth clearheadedly from your perspective. At this point, what I'm seeing is "outraged delusional" -- perhaps very inspirational to some, but having shown no validity -- literal or intrinsic -- to me or to the rest of this community.

        This is not my personal LJ, but a community journal which is striving to be a reliable source of information and discussion regarding the various "othernesses." And you are making for a rather interesting case study at the moment, though I would indeed be interested in getting possible clarification from someone who is not so vituperously defensive without actually making a plausible defense.
      • Re: I love it when Neo's perma-logged in.

        Are you shitting me? Ok, for real... you actually think you're Neo and Trinity... right?



        I am officially laughing at you retards so hard that I'm very near pissing my pants.

        Go take a bath, stop hanging out in front of Hot Topic, and for fuck's sake, don't carry a D-20 with you wherever you go. You'll NEVER get laid this way.

        Which is good- your kind DO NOT need to breed.

        *shakes head, giggling incoherently... They... really thought they ... ROFLOL...

        The Ice Queen, who doesn't need to be plugged in- she has batteries.
        • Get some new material. Tip your waitresses, I'm here 'til Friday.

          This is not my personal LJ, but a community journal which is striving to be a reliable source of information and discussion regarding the various "othernesses."

          Way to go, Mod King. Leaving that sparkling example of literacy and mAturity there is probably a really good indication of how much of a "reliable source" this community really could have been. Ah, such it is.

          And I have finally finished writing the book, now; along with massive other contributions. That might clear up the crap that makes people more willing to write ten paragraphs about how "crazy" we are rather than ten sentences to ask for the truth.

          You'll find that after actually getting to know me, a lot of "reputable" people take me seriously, as well. I'm still here. I will be, too; all the way to the End of the Line.

          Disbelievers bother me not at ALL. Idiots who just attack because it's simply "the way reality is" to them, or "because it's - HAW! HAW! MAW!" - funny"... just hurt me personally. There IS a difference. Most people can't recognize that. (Although the 2385740th peeing joke really makes me sit down on the edge of my bed sometimes and wonder, really wonder, why the people I'm doing this for are ones who don't even bother to try and understand. Well. A duty is a duty...)

          Doesn't matter, really. Everyone's worth it or no one is. You're all human, so. Default option applies.

          Look, even friendliness. An easy-click link. (I didn't pick that browser reader cover, either. The reader's is different for some reason, which was art by one of our people; the cover below. Mentioned because they REALLY deserve the credit for it.)

          And to Ms., apparently, Anonymous(although not so anonymous, really; it's not so hard)? You do realize that the mod/poster him-or-herself has claimed, right here in this post, to be "Otherkin"? There are people out there who think they're dragons - not identifying with, real DRAGONS, I read a lovely essay by a 'kin about the difference in functionality just today - and we're morons? You just insulted the OP, as well.

          This is awesome, though; it's a much better addition than recently to the Truth of the Spoon Wall of Shame. Anony-dudette, when I have a few minutes to spare, you - AND anderen_faq - are gonna be famous! *shakes your hand*

          The "runner" in the Center may have been "crappy art".... but demonstrations evolve as missions evolve. Purpose remains the same. Things get better.

          I'd say "I'm the one laughing, now, over here"..... but I'm not, I'm really not. Just thinking of how far we still have to go. Fortunately, things have ramped up hugely, and there IS a place to go, now.

          Prejudices and stereotypes are not reality.

          Trying to teach one other option of reality, out of love for humanity - a way to define their own paths, to NOT have to be judged entirely and only by others, rather than feel backed into a corner and blow off their own heads(or someone else's... or both); whilst both Trinity and I holding down jobs, paying the rent, etc, plus dealing with two seriously disabling medical conditions - congenital glaucoma & Multiple Sclerosis?

          Far less worrying than someone spending the time on this vitriolic crap.

          *shrugs.* I'm answering because I'm having a good morning. Realizing how drastically my reactions have changed; how solid I am in myself and my Purpose.

          Actually, writing this out made my whole morning even better.

          And I'm actually starting to laugh every time someone calls us a cult for lack of anything better. It ought to be a drinking game.

          Look! I'm still Neo! *faints from shock!*

          Amazing, the difference several months of support, honest friendship, and belief can have on self-confidence in so few months. So maybe the OP did succeed to an extent; and after all, it's all about perspective.

          Neo Ex Machinae

          Edited at 2008-01-12 09:21 pm (UTC)
        • Re: I love it when Neo's perma-logged in.

          You'll NEVER get laid this way.

          Oh, and just FYI: no worries there. We're married now. To each other, obviously.

          Four years together, and we're still us. *GASP!*

          Breeding jokes can quit, though. Miscarriages tend to TAKE THE HUMOR out of that.

          Yes, other folks, who might be a smidge more civilized?

          Please drive through. Pick up your change at the second window, and have a nice smucking day.
    • THIS, finally, is the "article" you're looking for.

      In great depth and detail, written for me as a "gift of love and support" by an acquaintance of mine who goes by the handle "Kinae".

      Also the Book, of course, and.... well.

      The original link, I see now, got screwed. I really can't see very well unless the font is enlarged these days.... my last visual field test--wtf, why would you care? How could I possibly want to risk you thinking "oh poor me" rather than the fact I'm just idly typing stream of consciousness conversation because I've been up working on this "online seminary" for something like forty hours straight? Eeeeggghhh.

      In any case, this is the ENTIRE, unabridged(but short enough, less than a single printed page) and not MIS-quoted letter that they called the "manifesto". *sigh.* Again, for the clarity you requested.

      I've changed, these last months. A lot. (Actually, I believe that somewhere in the Codex explains why being me ties directly into what I do; hence needing to never, ever be dishonest about it. They ask - I tell. I don't run around with a cardboard sign.... and the only reason this idiot reporter found us at ALL was because a friend of one of our people e-mailed the guy, and he played us big-time: he said he was interested in the message. I told him no pictures, he took notes for three hours, treated us with feigned respect and then called my house three hours after we'd gotten home to ask me for my little brother's, mother's, and Trin's mother's phone number.... and asking me if I was "born a man".

      What THAT had to do with uniting humanity, who knows. *bitter laugh.* Out of three hours, he chose the rape to joke about. Three years later, four with Trin, I've finally come to grips with those issues. But Jesus, crazy or not... it's not funny. Even "false memories", according to new research, have "as profound an effect and need to be addressed in the same fashion"/life-changing as "real-body" memories, by doctors and psychiatrists. It just. Wasn't. Funny.

      But I'm babbling, I do when I'm tired. I've changed. Mock away. But the info is out there now. At the very least, well. At least someone might know that there's one more option, before they give up. That's all I want.... that ultimate unification.

      Whether you can see the change - I may post this entire exchange, myself, to illustrate what Asshat calls "my evolution" - or not, I can't tell you. But. I'm still Neo! *GASP!!* I'm still here.

      And I'm still doing what I do.
      (And I'm still not "a moron".)

      Cheers. <3
      • Look, I'm not responsible for how the rest of the world treats you, nor even the missing links in the original news article. The only reason that I have not deleted your comments is because I was hoping that you would calm down and say something that actually did explain the way you see and experience things, instead of just being defensive about it.

        As for the other anonymous commenter, I left that one up as well because I don't believe in censoring comments unless they're attacking me/those close to me in my own personal space. This is a place for comments and discussion outside our private group, and I have to treat you, as a topic, as fair game for others' opinion. If you find that to be defamation, you're way oversensitive -- people are entitled to their opinions of you, just as you are entitled to your opinion of me. And I happen to have a mission too, though it hasn't got a book nor a dressy website out yet. You're not the only modern messiah out there, to use the general term -- yours is not the only message or only movement that might make sense.

        And by the way, I am personally acquainted with an elf, a troll and their genetically trelfchildren, as well as two other fae and several incarnate angels. And you really don't want to know how long I've been around in this solar system or in how many forms.

        By the way -- no one else is reading this but you and me. The journal has moved on. If you so choose, you can stop reacting.
      • Oh, and thank you for the additional links. I'm just trying to get the best information and rational understanding possible, not attempting to piss people off. If I offer an alternative explanation, it is not out of spite but because some explanations are logically far less probable than others, and I am always trying to find the most stable and well-founded ground possible on these matters.

        And when it comes to me and believing in dragons, the jury's still partially out. :-|
        • Gasp. (Friendly!) Comment, Part 0ne.

          I was hoping that you would calm down and say something that actually did explain the way you see and experience things, instead of just being defensive about it.

          Yes; that's why, seeing this again in my trackbacks, I came to leave this info. I've finally come to grips with that role, and oddly - disproportionately, you'd think it'd be the opposite, wouldn't you? - most of the defensiveness has fled. Even though(like now, when I've been up for three days straight, working, speaking, coding) there are times when I do sometimes wish that the proverbial goblet would pass on, I am what I am. Whatever people say about me - cult leader or prophet, Jesus what a discrepancy that is, although I suppose it's older than the hills - can't matter anymore. I mean, I kept saying on the radio that I "couldn't afford to be concicilatory anymore"; meaning, the Christian religion seems to have the monopoly on all terms. You want words, you get "sermon". You get "messiah". You get "preaching"... and all of them, little fishies out of the language pool, have already been steeped in "led poisoning". (Yes, the misspelling was deliberate.)

          But what I'm saying is that I am who I am, I'm doing what I'm here to do until it's done - and not because I'm "supposed" to, not because it's "cool" or "easy" - God, I wish one of you, sometimes, could see the nightmares and the nosebleeds and me crying "I can't do this, there are so many of them, Trin, I can't do this" on her in the ditch-dark middle of the night. And I don't say that as in, "Woe is meeee!" (Frankly, I don't particularly feel a great deal of woe at the moment; meditation, working, the support of friends and believers of their own.... and a lot of soul-searching; it's what I am, and I know that now, know it where it matters.

          During that course, I'd gotten three literal death threats from people who don't know me - people who'd never even bothered to ask me three words and find out - and people saying that "any child born into that fucked-up family would be so frigged up by its whacko parents that it'd take a gun to school and mow down its classmates" immediately after Trin miscarried our only - so far - halfway successful attempt at a child. (Something we never got a chance to, back home; I think that when I lost her(and NOT when those PC films said I did, either)... she was pregnant.

          She'd kill me if she saw me writing this, but since you said it is just you and me, I'm saying it by way of explanation. Not an excuse, just another light shed. I could type out my whole rap about the aspects of people that trip the ripple effect without the person on the other end even knowing, but I'm tired and long-winded and my back is sore. ("WAAAAAH!" *laughs.* I have MS and spinal stenosis, and sitting over the laptop for four or five hours without a break just aches something fierce) She has PCOS, and because she has congenital glaucoma, has been on steroids since she was a toddler. (And nineteen surgeries, so far, including a cornea transplant.) we may never be able to have that child, that one thing that so many people, these PEOPLE, throw AWAY and ABUSE, that one gift.... and yet here are people laughing and pointing and slinging it around like we're not even real people.

          That's the laughable part, hrm? We are real people. Had I been more coherent at the time, I'd've shared some of my memories with you. The ones that they didn't include in the 43 or so % they might have gotten even somewhere close to right. *sighs.* So what I'm basically saying is, I'm not normally that hyper-defensive. I try to step away from things, not into them - and I've actually asked our people NOT to JOIN any of the flame wars and keep them going; there will ALWAYS be people who disbelieve.

          I didn't mean to go off in such an uncharacteristic way, and so I just am writing back(and AM so sorry for the long-windedness; it comes from the radio show, which has been off-air until, literally, yesterday.... and from no sleep, building this "online cybercamp" thing for people to actually learn about the "reality shift") to offer the one thing: peace.

        • Re: Gasp. (Friendly!) Comment, Part LOST! (Short version ARGH)

          ....andddd, in my exhaustion and my happiness with myself in trying to explain all of this, I just LOST 4,700 characters of the rest of this comment. I can't even begin to imagine how to re-type it all, even though I've been known to; so I'll just abbreviate.

          One of our people - a real person, who knows us *gasp!* - surprised me with this today, in my e-mail. It's for the introduction to that "online school"; Trinity calls it a "credibility video". *quiet laugh.* It made me cry, sitting there and staring blankly; maybe I'm doing something right, after all. YouTube's being bitchly as always, so I uploaded it to my FileFactory account just for you:


          *lifts a shoulder.* The other was one more reference, just to get another - intelligent, literate, and "uncompelled"(you know, no "I'm not a believer, I just play one on TV crap here;) - these are our friends, our family now. And they created this community while I was offline and having one of the worst stretches of my life, including a mis-diagnosed MRSA infection in my calf that nearly killed me.

          Anyway. This piece speaks to gossip and perspective; the whole come kind of ass-kicked and humbled me, and you can believe THAT all the way home.


          *shrugs again* I'm sorry I rambled. But if you'd like to actually TALK, let me know. I don't need to prove anything; don't worry about "pissing me off". Doubt is natural. I did. I remember. Most people who start out with "I must be crazier than you for writing this, but...", or "I don't know why I felt compelled to send this e-mail, but..." --

          -- wound up sticking around; or at least being friendly.

          Now you know me a little more like what I am. So.
          Take care.
        • Re: Gasp. (Friendly!) Comment, Part 0ne.

          Long-windedness really doesn't bother me -- I tend to be that way myself, especially over personal stuff. Easy to be misunderstood unless you lay it all out in a train of reasoning, I've learned.

          I know what you mean re the Christian/Old Testament terminology being so pervasive -- generally I just work with it, though, because I am still attuned to it after the dogmatism itself has long worn off. People understand what I mean right off, without having to re-invent the wheel. Besides...I'm kinda implicated there, though I'm as ticked off as anyone with that's been done in the name of that religion. And frankly, seeing as we are the only people paying attention to this thread, I think it's only fair to say that I've been trying to set things right in this world for a very long time, life after life, with only the occasional karmic vacation to just not be that significant in the greater picture. And this is one of those lives where I'm going to have to play a part. I only started waking up to that (with cues from close friends who could "see" flashes of my past) within the past few years, despite having all the instincts and even apprehensions that belonged naturally to those lives. So far, I've told very few people, because I know that it sounds crazy in general (not to mention overused, some of it). It's funny these days, but you get more acceptance in alternative communities for being a dragon than for being human, or for being genderfluid/neutral than for claiming a single "binary" gender, or for being from another planet/system/plane ratherthan being from this known Earth. And in a way, you actually have an easier time persuading some people that you're the real original of a supposedly-fictional character via quantum reincarnation than I would have convincing those same people that I'm the original of a legendary and much-debated historical figure via regular old reincarnation -- much less two or three of 'em. It's positively embarrassing, even though I also have direct memories, remember direct details that make perfect sense, and have delved back with friends both to find shared material and to show them what I can't easily just say straight out. Some people really seem to try to stay as far as possible away from things that actually can be proven as real in this stream of history -- it's just easier to say "I'm subjective; you're subjective" and never try to feel out what's really objective about it all.

          Which is really why I'm doing what I'm doing re this comm and my groups overall -- trying to cut the crap and the memery and figure out how things really work, as much as possible, that is. And so far as missions go, I know that no one exact message can actually reach everyone -- people have their own mental languages, respond to different things, different approaches (I wrote a thesis on this, actually, back in college). If we all work towards peace and understanding with our different approaches but the same basic principles and ethical foundation, we'll get peace -- and it'll belong to all of us, in our name and not that of any god.
          • Re: Gasp. (Friendly!) Comment, Part 0ne.

            I'll make this short, because I am Gods, SO exhausted--

            1. I would really like to talk to you more eventually, if you're interested; and

            2. I'm fascinated by the history you're hinting at; I'd be honored to hear about your history, and more of the stories you have to share, if you'd like to share them. I'm, you know, always around; I work online, even as the Mission becomes more my work than the "monkey coding".... so let me know. I'm here.
            • Re: Gasp. (Friendly!) Comment, Part 0ne.

              Sure, I'm up for it. I'm on Yahell, under this handle (basically anything that says "Aureantes" online is me). I'm apt to be up till way late, though I'm also doing some disaster-area cleaning in my office.
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